teetotaling

While it’s good to THINK FREELY, some things are worth the cost.

old books are NEAT (photo: courtesy John Hopkins Library)

i.e. Brooklyn Public Library’s Library After Dark. Today tickets are 60 bones. Tomorrow they’ll be 75. The event is FREE to due-paying members of the Brooklyn Vanguard, a forming clan of Library patrons ages 21-30something, committed to “expanding the role of the Brooklyn Public Library in the intellectual life of the City of New York.”

Most cultural organizations host attractively ageist groups of these types, i.e.

* The Museum of Modern Art
* Lincoln Center Theater
* The Metropolitan Museum of Art
* The Studio Museum in Harlem

et. al. (limited list circa ‘06, eek!)

Do you belong anywhere? Something to consider. If you can’t afford a LAD ticket or cultural membership “at this time,” don’t drown IN your sorrows. You can still do other FREE things.

Recommended alternative: submerge yourself in Reanimation Library’s culled collection of substream books.

Reanimated (photo: courtesy Reanimation Library)

Happy Leap Day.

So Kathryn Weatherup (an original partner in East Side Company) just opened a new bar in BKLYN, and I’m grossly salivating over the new opportunity to bounce rent on Gin-Gin Mules.

AT THE SAME TIME, recent fumbles in intoxication have hurdled my attendance on The Lecture Scene, and if you haven’t heard - Medical Notice: *INTERESTING* Lectures may prevent brain-pruning and may increase brain-plasticity.

So let’s talk [FREE/suggested donation and Open to the Public] talks. Top picks:

1. The American Museum of Natural History’s Kaufmann Auditorium (Central Park West between 77th and 81st Streets) Friday night astronomy lecture series through May for the Amateur Astronomers Association (AAA) and YOU, because the universe is expanding, just like your BRAIN.

OUTER SPACE is AmAZinG, FYI (photo: courtesy pencil revolution)

2. The New York Studio School (8 West 8th Street) [generally Tuesday night] lectures by artists, scholars, critics, et. al. because they’re intimate and full of hotties.

Pricasso, FYI (photo: courtesy The Sydney Morning Herald)

For a more complete list of lectures check club free time, or “literary events” on New York Magazine.

Maybe you just need to find the right robot cowboy to teetotal with.

(photo: courtesty robot cowboy), OMG.

How’dya, given that you aren’t bringing bones back from the bars, you’ve crapped too much in your own backyard (friend-wise) and you work alongside “faithfully devoted” baby boomers? Well, ONLINE there’s um “Internet Dating” (i.e. nerve, match, okcupid), predatory social networking on less awkwardly blatant flirt sites (i.e. myspace, friendster, facebook) and ehem blogs/forums.

If you’re not good enough at Photoshopping your Photobooth headshots into godliness to bump self-portrait threads, you can go-at-it in mass in person at “Singles” events, (i.e. speed dating), young cultural enthusiast functions (i.e. Museums) or join the *NEWLY* developed BKLYN-specific pheromone-mediation club (Brooklyn is For Lovers).

But a real benefit to teetotaling is that you’ll be sober, and sobriety means, KILLING TIME. The time you used to spend blacked out or watching wood-grain morph into rams. Killing time entails HOBBIES. And hobbies are good ways to meet people, with “common interests,” i.e. role-playing crumbling-Mayan-civilization:

Zero Wolf, of Apocalypto (Gibson, 2006), also OMG

So, start hobbying.

You know what to do.

While we’re at it, let’s talk refuge between battle zones (for those momentary pauses amid alleyway snowball fights). There’s an overwhelming plenitude of cafes in NYC, but in what cozy crevices you can slurp tea and surf on free Wifi LATE-into-the evenings?

If you’re in the P. Heights/Park Slope area of BKLYN, as apparently I am

Please note Yoda figurine, circa 1997 in the shade of a BBG cactus

visit The Tea Lounge, in three locations, the main base on Union St. (allegedly-O.K.-come-dusk a.k.a bohemian living room furnishings are satisfactorily wiped down with organic stroller antiseptic), open till 1am weeknights, 2am weekends.

In the East Village, Rapture features bingo, cabaret, readings, releases, books and purchase-able internet minutes (for the laptopless). Currently on view: Garry Hayes exhibition, Open Book. Open daily till midnight, occasionally later for events.

On the les Cakeshop-upstairs sells records, comics, zines, CAKE, etc. (the clamor of raucous bands ever-seducing you downstairs). Open till 2am weeknights, 4am weekends.

In the West Village, Cafe Reggio doesn’t offer Wifi, but they do serve Italian-fare and the walls are adorned with Old World art; check out Jaren Blaschke’s pictures. Open till 2:30am weeknights, 4am weekends.

Cafe Reggio (photo: courtesy Lorcan Otway’s Flickr)

And, if you find yourself lost in the bar barracks of Williamsburg, while Atlas closes at 10pm, there’s Fix Lounge (adjacent to Sound Fix record store), hosting “analog games,” performances and activity nights (i.e. Sunday: role playing and Atari). Open Mondays till 11pm, Tuesday, Wednesday & Sunday till 2am, Fridays & Saturdays till 4am.

The [indie rock] Music Scene in NYC largely overlaps The Bar Scene, with bars doubling as performance venues and watering holes spouting out of concert hall flooring.

Still, we all need to sneak the occasional show in, and tonight is the first of Fortified Winter Antifolk Festival 2008 at The Fort aka the backroom of Sidewalk Cafe (94 Avenue A; the birthplace of the antifolk movement) with musicians all night every night (through February 29) starting at 7:30pm.

The concert is free and there’s a “two drink minimum,” but according to the hostess, any two drinks will do “two coffees, two teas, two cokes.” So have at it!

The Antifolk Documentary

Jeffrey Lewis, Antifolk Artist Extraordinaire

And, if you consider antifolk to be The Bane, there are alternatives. About.com provides a wide angle view of standard music venues, while Oh My Rockness lists indie rock venues and keeps a curated concert calendar.

ALVY: Oh, you-you have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?
ANNIE: Well, what’s the difference, anyway?
ALVY: Well, I’ll give you a shot of sodium pentothal. You can sleep through it…it ruins it for me if you have grass because, you know, I’m, like, a comedian, so if I get a laugh from a person who’s high, it doesn’t count. You know, ’cause they’re always laughin’.
(Annie Hall, 1977)

Tonight, consider COMEDY.

While my favorite comedian is currently O.O.S, there are plenty of people in NYC figuring out what’s funny, i.e.

Demetri Martin: Comedian NY, NY (Actually, Demetri is also on tour, BUT).

If you want to see something NEW, TELL YOUR FRIENDS! is a [generally] free series at Lolita (266 Broome St.) at 8pm on Monday nights. It’s known as a “workout comedy room” where comedians can try out new material, and writers can stretch their legs. Monday night also means the New Talent Showcase at Comedy Village; and this Monday The Upright Citizen’s Brigade is hosting two “SPANK”in’ news shows for $5.

If you’re looking for something more standard, there’s a full line up at the Comedy Cellar, and several of the other clubs, including an “all pro” show at Gotham.

Tonight, Deitch Gallery’s kicking off an interactive exhibition preceding the release of Michel Gondry’s comedy Be Kind Rewind. Similar to Gondry’s exhibition for Science of Sleep (also at Deitch) where he presented sets-as-sculpture, in this new installation you can enter Be Kind Rewind’s recreated video storefront, record your own sweded-film, take a copy home and leave copies for future rental by other gallery patrons. Be Kind Rewind continues at Deitch through March 22, so if your interest’s peaked, but you’re afraid of *NEWLY* open[to-the-public] gallery crowds, you can “swede yourself” online, while considering some other especially cinematic On-The-Town options.

From the 48 Hour Film Competition Archives (photo: courtesy Amy Atticks)

As part of MoMA’s Documentary Fortnight 2008 (an ecologically-geared series running through March 3), executive producer Robert Redford will introduce The Unforeseen (2007), a documentary tackling the conflict between personal property and land preservation. Discussion between Redford, director Laura Dunn and guest speakers Majora Carter (executive director and founder of Sustainable South Bronx) and Candida Paltiel (festival director of Planet in Focus) will follow the screening.

And, piggy-backing the Charles Burnett retrospective, the Anthology Film Archives is reviving a drama directed by Burnett’s cinematic partner Billy Woodberry, Bless Their Little Hearts (1984), a rarely seen American black independent film.

“Last year, Charles Burnett’s 1977 debut, Killer of Sheep, finally got the theatrical release and large audience denied it for 30 years. Depending on Hollywood’s timetable or yours, this marvelous 1984 slice-of-life drama… is either six years ahead of schedule for discovery or 24 long years overdue…” - Jim Ridley, Village Voice.

If you opt for Bless Their Little Hearts, afterwards you can try your hand at a pioneering review on Rotten Tomatoes, alongside Jim Ridley.

Officer Slater: My first wife, who is a whore, by the way, where do you think I met her? A bar. A bar.
Officer Michaels: It was this bar.
Officer Slater: It was this bar.
Superbad (Mottola, 2007)

Standard love story, especially in NYC.

But, even if you don’t have pre-fix dinner reservations with your BIG LOVE, you need not blast yourself off into single oblivion plastering the walls with your Xs’ relics, or meeting new Xs in bars.

Graveyard Wall ‘07: Oh dear (photo: courtesy Amy Atticks)

The New Museum’s hosting a free concert coupled with a light and video show, SCENEPR’s offering a night of romantic shorts by NYC filmmakers, and at MoMA Milos Forman’s introducing his film Lásky jedné plavovlásky (Loves of a Blonde), “a commentary on the perils of totalitarianism” focusing on the life of a teenage girl from a small Czech town who bangs a Prague musician.

Lásky jedné plavovlásky (Forman, 1965)

The Upright Citizen’s Brigade’s The Rejection Show looks promisingly-angsty, sixteen Chelsea galleries are open for receptions, and for plant-lovers, and there’s a Valentine’s-geared evening composting workshop at Brooklyn Botanic Garden.

And hey, V-day’s celebrating its BIG TENTH (and while you might not have the dough/desire to shell out for The Big Show, Valentine’s alternatives abound). If you’re feeling more community-minded than loverly: the Drum Circle’s gathering at the Jewish Community Center in Manhattan (drums provided), the Fencing Meetup’s hosting a group lesson in swordsmanship followed by open bouting,

Fencing Mentors, The Princess Bride (Reiner, 1987)

The New School’s sponsoring a lecture on the future of capitalism, The New York Gnostic School’s teaching meditation, and the Brecht Forum’s screening John Henrik Clarke: A Great & Mighty Walk, (accompanied by discussion and jazz session) in celebration of Black History Month.

Seriously (photo: courtesy Amy Atticks)

Tonight, even if you don’t have an I’m-a-”Student” campus library pass, you can peruse till 9pm in the aisles of Brooklyn Public Library’s Central Library, scouting books/VHS/DVDs (three week rental, for FREE) and eyeing H-O-T-T bookworms. Or, haul it over to the branch in your neighborhood, where “interesting” locals take refuge. On many days of the week BPL hosts programs, so check the calendar of events.

If you’re up for something more LIVELY but equally literary (and FREE), Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series boasts another line up of all-star authors at 302 Broome. Yes, Happy Ending is a BAR, or (ehem) a Lounge, but there’s hardly the time between authors to elbow trough-side. Still, if you’re palette’s parched, this could be The Ideal Evening for a Shirley Temple. Personal nostalgia over childhood drink + authors reading = the day you started Your Memoirs (PNOCD + AR = TDYSYM; it’s math).

The weather tonight harkens back to the Valentine’s Blizzard of 2007.

Greenwich Village fire escape (photo: courtesy Vlado)

And, hey, it’s time to make “new memories,” besides, we all know “snowstorm memories” are some of The Best, i.e. the Edward Sissorhands’ wintery mix motif, [some of] The Most Romantic Cinematic Scenes of All Time in Love Story

Love Story (Hiller, 1970)

and that time your Dad woke you in the middle of the night and said “It’s snowing. COME ON!”

Whether you’re exposing friends for the sleet-pansies they are in alleyway snowball fights, spreading your angel wings in the nearest park, sledding at any of the numerous inter-borough locations, attiring a hipster snowman,

plastic Frosty, post-season (photo: courtesy Amy Atticks)

spiking a late night hot chocolate with marshmallows, ambitiously crafting new real estate,

Ambitiously Crafted New Real Estate (photo: courtesy John Atticks)

or admiring the skyline flurry from your rooftoop there’s something memorable to do in the rare diversion of a NYC snow storm, so GET OUT!